it’s already the twelfth of January. time sure flies really fast for the past one year.
2011 is one of the challenging year of my life. living in the land down under, it really teaches me the meaning of life besides giving me valuable experience. i had explored the road that i might not have taken if i were in Malaysia.
as for my new year resolution:
1. do well in studies. i’ll be completing my M.Arch this year and hopefully it will be a good, fast and easy semester.
2. exercise regularly and eat less. i gained some weight since coming home.
3. put more effort into staying in touch with friends. work shouldn’t always come first.
4. travel more.
5. help people in need. do as much charity work as possible.
6. treat my mother more nicely. i need to respect and love her more and stop treating her like she’s one of my friends.
7. id project. finalize the design for dry kitchen, and get my bedroom done before school starts.
hopefully 2012 will be the year where i’m going to make the best of myself.
i’m so thankful for the career path that i’m pursuing, which allows me to expand my talent and rekindle my love for creativity and technology.
i feel truly blessed.
reason.
they say that education is a phase in your life. everyone goes through it. i really wish that is not true because my time for the past 4 years in college was not just a phase. it’s my life. i met great people there, i learnt good things there. and i wish that 10 years from now, i won’t view it as a phase either.
i’ve considered other courses which i’m interested in, part of me still wants to study architecture. it may sound crazy, but architecture is all i’ve ever known. i like the things i learned and i enjoy it very much even if half of the time, it drives me insane. it’s just that the thought of me being a professional architect, staring at pc designing and drafting buildings, meeting clients and working within the construction industry, giving advise and preparing contract documentation on construction projects everyday from 9-5 kills me. i will go home everyday in misery knowing that there’s no end to this shit.
which then leads me to another problem entirely, i see my friends who is really passionate about architecture, who really wants to have their own firm and it stopped me dead in my track. because i know that that is not what i want. i don’t want to be a architect. i don’t want to practice. i’m not willing to sacrifice my life as an architect in a firm nearly the entire day.
i like architecture, learning about it, knowing what kind of architecture exists and i wouldn’t mind teaching the next generation about what i have learnt. but no, never would i want to practice.
i’ve been lied to by so many people up to a point where i begin to doubt every word coming out of people’s mouth. i’ve been lied to by the government, the society, my friends, my parents.
when i was young, i told my parents i wanted to be an astronaut , a fashion designer, a singer, a dentist, a veterinarian and no, never wanted to be an architect. they told me everything is possible if i study hard, do well in school and make it to a university. what utter rubbish.
i studied hard, i did well in my studies (when i do, they say its one step closer), i pass my exams (and now they say, i’m nearer to my goal), i got into architecture school (by which point, they said, its a stepping stone) and now when i am about to graduate in less than a month, i’ve realised that my parents and my grandparents have been lying to me all these while. look where i am now. look where i can go now; no where.
no astronaut, no fashion designer, no singer, no dentist, no veterinarian. i’ve strayed way too far from my dreams and my ambitions. even if being an architect was one of my childhood dream, i would still be where i am now. no where to go. the only childhood ambition i can fulfill now is to be…a dreamer.
and you know what is the sad thing? 20 years from now, when i have children of my own, when they tell me what they want to be when they grow up, i will repeat the same lies my parents has been feeding me. i will still tell them to study hard and study well. when you lie too often, the cycle repeats from generation to generation and soon it would seem like the truth.
in a way, i have to thank my parents for the lie. because i believed in it, i tried my best. i have a few paths to go. whichever way, i hope its for the best.
